The Creature Inside Me

Sometimes he’s lonely, the creature inside me, and lures me aside. Send everyone away. He wants to be alone so he can whisper dark stories about a useless, bent, and broken girl who keeps company with the creature inside her.

Sometimes he’s cold, the creature inside me, and builds a fire for warmth.
The smoke and heat burn my insides until hate pours from my eyes and mouth, splashing the innocents near me. It’s loathsome, but he must eat and I cannot face him, this creature inside me.

Sometimes he’s thirsty, the creature inside me, and milks my memories for water.
He digs and squeezes until I crack and drip salt and water and blood. It’s exhausting, but he must drink and I cannot rise to confront him, this creature inside me.

It’s crowded here, says the creature inside me, and bids me vacate me.
We argue that I must stay on and it is he who must leave, but the fight never ends. And the more he drinks and burns and hisses his stories, the more I forget whose house this is. It’s endless. But if you sleep we’ll both be free, whispers the creature inside me.

Now and again, when I’m still and rested, I forget he lies there waiting. I tear up the scripts he’s rehearsed before me and rewrite his words with dreams. I use them to build new worlds and vanquish lies.

He shrinks away to the closet. I jam it shut with the blade of my pen. Day floods in. And the me I sometimes only see in snapshots, spreads wild her arms in the wide sunlight.

Leaving the creature inside me, that trespasser/squatter, to grow lonely and hungry and thirsty and shrivel and wither and fade.

© Rachel Svendsen 2015

“I am cold.”

“I am cold.”
“Let me warm you.”
And he slipped off his jacket

“I am tired.”
“Use my shoulder.”
And she fell comfortably to sleep

“I am sad.”
“Let me hold you.”
And she wept and was comforted

“I am frightened.”
“I’ll protect you.”
And he shielded her from their blows

“I am lost.”
“I am with you.”
And they wandered hand in hand

© Rachel Svendsen 2015

Could I List Your Faults?

Could I list your faults?(Not easily Darling)
You snore(but you’re warm beside me)
You leave your shoes around(but always wash the dishes)
You never put your ties away(but you kiss me while it slips from your hand onto the floor)
You talk in your sleep(but you favourite phrase waking or sleeping is ‘I love you’)
Could I list your faults?(not without your virtues)

© Rachel Svendsen 2015

Definitions at 1am

wistful(having or showing a feeling of regretful longing)

restless(unable to relax or rest either emotionally or physically as a result of anxiety or boredom)

lost(unable to find ones way, unable to cope with a situation)

broken(having breaks or gaps in continuity)

disconsolate(unable to be comforted)

© Rachel Svendsen 2015

My Song

You would never tell a bird what song to sing.
It’s theirs by nature
It’s unique
So why must you write the music to my life?
It’s mine by nature
And mine
My story
My soundtrack
My symphony
I want to sing it solo and let the notes
Sound from my trembling lips as I soar

© Rachel Svendsen 2015

What would I Change?

If we did it all again
What would I change?
I would change nothing

Nothing of you
No fault
No flaw

Nothing of our life
No trial
No tribulation

Not one fight
Not one tear
Not one kiss
Nothing of us

For if we did not have our thorns, would we truly be a rose?
And if we didn’t have to fight for our kingdom, would it really be ours?

© Rachel Svendsen 2014