The Creature Living in My Heart

Sometimes he’s lonely, the creature living in my heart, and takes me to the side.
He insists that I say with him, send everyone away, and then he tells me dark stories about a useless, bent, and broken girl who keeps company with the creature living in her heart.

Sometimes he’s hungry, the creature living in my heart, and builds a fire of rage.
The smoke and heat burn my insides until hate pours from my eyes and mouth, splashing the innocents near me. I loathe myself these days, but he says he must eat and I cannot make him leave, this creature living in my heart.

Sometimes he’s thirsty, this creature living in my heart, and milks my soul for tears.
He compresses my chest until I break down and drip salt and water and blood. He says he must drink and I cannot make him leave, this creature living in my heart.

He wants to own my body, the creature living in my heart, and tells me to vacate it.
I want to say I disagree, that I’ll stay on and he must leave, but the days are growing longer, harder now, since he began to drink and eat and be my only company. I am forgetting who I was. He bids me sleep so he’ll be free, the creature living in my heart.

But somedays he’s quiet, the creature living in my heart, and I forget he’s there.
My hands and mind work best these days. I build cities, unite lovers, and bring justice to evil with my pen and smiles to those who still choose to love me, despite the creature living in my heart.

So I’ll continue fighting the creature living in my heart.
For hope is not beyond me yet, and he is a trespasser in the life that God gave to me. And I believe he will soon grow lonely then hungry then thirsty then wither and fade, so the me that I once knew, that now I only see in snapshots, will live without a creature in her heart.

© Rachel Svendsen 2015

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“I am cold.”

“I am cold.”
“Let me warm you.”
And he slipped off his jacket

“I am tired.”
“Use my shoulder.”
And she fell comfortably to sleep

“I am sad.”
“Let me hold you.”
And she wept and was comforted

“I am frightened.”
“I’ll protect you.”
And he shielded her from their blows

“I am lost.”
“I am with you.”
And they wandered hand in hand

© Rachel Svendsen 2015

Could I List Your Faults?

Could I list your faults?(Not easily Darling)
You snore(but you’re warm beside me)
You leave your shoes around(but always wash the dishes)
You never put your ties away(but you kiss me while it slips from your hand onto the floor)
You talk in your sleep(but you favourite phrase waking or sleeping is ‘I love you’)
Could I list your faults?(not without your virtues)

© Rachel Svendsen 2015

Definitions at 1am

wistful(having or showing a feeling of regretful longing)

restless(unable to relax or rest either emotionally or physically as a result of anxiety or boredom)

lost(unable to find ones way, unable to cope with a situation)

broken(having breaks or gaps in continuity)

disconsolate(unable to be comforted)

© Rachel Svendsen 2015

My Song

You would never tell a bird what song to sing.
It’s theirs by nature
It’s unique
Beautiful
So why must you write the music to my life?
It’s mine by nature
Unique
Beautiful
And mine
My story
My soundtrack
My symphony
I want to sing it solo and let the notes
Flat
Sharp
Harmonic
Dissonant
Sound from my trembling lips as I soar

© Rachel Svendsen 2015

What would I Change?

If we did it all again
What would I change?
I would change nothing

Nothing of you
No fault
No flaw

Nothing of our life
No trial
No tribulation

Not one fight
Not one tear
Not one kiss
Nothing of us

For if we did not have our thorns, would we truly be a rose?
And if we didn’t have to fight for our kingdom, would it really be ours?

© Rachel Svendsen 2014