I want to believe I have this under control. I want to believe if they just give me another 6 or 9 months I can figure this out.
PHQ-9
Salt Stained Rain
After a while, people stop wanting to hear about what you've been through. And I feel guilty talking about it half the time anyway, because I doubt my memories, and even when I stand firm, people still don't believe me. My birth family surely doesn't. They called me a liar, a lover of drama and... Continue Reading →
i’m dragging my feet…
i’m dragging my feet to bed (to bed)shattered and achinghalf dead, half deadwith exhaustion i’m tired and i needto sleep, to resti can't take anymore ofthis tangled messaround me the darkness of sleep seemsso welcomingthe warmth of unconsciousness,blanket of peaceand lilies No. walk on for there’s still workto do (to do)and people relyingon you, on youto... Continue Reading →
Today, I Went to the Movies
Today, I went to the movies. I went alone. I bought my ticket online and had the lady at the ticket counter help me figure out how to retrieve it. I bought myself popcorn and a cherry coke. I sat alone through an intense 2-hour movie. I drove myself to the theater and back. I... Continue Reading →
The Paradox of a Smile
I got a lot of interesting feedback from my last post. Mainly bewilderment. I blame myself. I use this blog as a way to flex my writing muscles, but if you ever read one of my novels or my recent poetry, you'd notice a difference in tone. For instance, my current work in progress contains... Continue Reading →
Rosacea
I'm having so much difficulty, as of late, finding a way to vent my pain. It's currently backed up in my head in the form of an endless scream. I drown it out with books and cooking shows and crushing candy. Plastic screens and magic black squiggles that envelope the here and take me... Continue Reading →
Hope Beyond the Mess
Things are hard here, very hard. I haven't been well since I got pregnant. I am currently waiting for my endocrinologist to clear me for gallbladder surgery. The idea that I require clearance for surgery is still hard for me to believe. It feels like pregnancy ripped my body to pieces. For months now my... Continue Reading →
I Am Resolved
When the new year looms in December people begin to reevaluate how they spent the past year. We look over the good and bad and decide what needs to change. I think what turned me off to New Years Resolutions was hearing too many people say something like, "Okay, so I really need to stop... Continue Reading →
Open and Honest
One area in my life that I've been pushing myself to improve is my total lack of social skills. I am an introvert almost to the extreme, and often find myself content with no other company than my few closest friends. Building new relationships is excessively difficult for me. I think one of the reasons... Continue Reading →
The Creature Inside Me
Sometimes he's lonely, the creature inside me, and lures me aside. Send everyone away. He wants to be alone so he can whisper dark stories about a useless, bent, and broken girl who keeps company with the creature inside her. Sometimes he's cold, the creature inside me, and builds a fire for warmth. The smoke and heat... Continue Reading →
R. C. Svendsen 